


"I guess it's not so different"

by 2nerd4this



Series: the art of recovery [1]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Gen, hopeful ending tho, like a lot, poor queens, stupid Henry gave them trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2nerd4this/pseuds/2nerd4this
Summary: The Queens experience effects of their residual trauma... all at the same time. Which is quite inconvenient.
Series: the art of recovery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787752
Comments: 10
Kudos: 102





	"I guess it's not so different"

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of emotional abuse, past trauma. Brief descriptions of violence, groping, harassment, etc

It started with Anne. 

(The Queens didn’t know when, why, or how it started. But they knew it started with Anne. That much was obvious.)

(As for what ‘it’ was, Cathy had attempted to explain to the others, but her psychobabble about abandonment issues, emotional abuse, and repressed trauma didn’t do much to console them as they all desperately tried to figure out where they went wrong.)

But it started with Anne. 

The second Queen lied.

It was mostly little things:

“No, Catalina, I didn’t move your devotional. I don’t even know what that is!”

or

“I’m just going back to the theater to grab my charger, I forgot it. Yes, Jane, I’ll be safe.”

or even

“Nah, it’s alright, Kit. I don’t mind. Whatever you need, love.”

And the other women were loath to admit how long it had taken them to notice. They wish they could say that they knew something was wrong the first time that Catalina had found out the second Queen had lied:

“I can’t believe it, Anne. It’s not that hard to be honest with me, I wouldn’t have been mad.” Catalina shook her head in disappointment, arms crossed and eyebrows creased like a stern mother. 

Anna and Jane were watching the scene sadly, shocked that Anne hadn’t just owned up to her actions. It honestly wasn’t that big of a deal, but owning up to your mistakes, no matter how small, was an ideal that was highly emphasized in the Queen house.

Anne, on the other hand, was just staring at the ground. Though, she didn’t look sad, or upset, or even ashamed of herself. Instead, she just seemed... accepting. Like she had been expecting this, no matter how much she hoped it wouldn’t happen. 

Catalina sighed and shook her head.

“Look, just admit and apologize and everything will be forgotten.”

Something about this statement ignited a flame inside of Anne, and instead of doing as requested, the Queen just turned and marched out of Catalina’s room into her own, the telltale signs of a slamming door and clicking lock telling the others that she would not emerge until the next day. 

Unfortunately, the other Queens had just written her behaviour off as concealed guilt and ignored it, instead opting to allow her time to recover. And, eventually, she did approach the elder woman and meekly apologize, refusing to meet the other’s eyes. Catalina had smiled and pulled her into a reasussing hug, explaining that everything was forgiven and they could move forward.

No one could see Anne’s face from where it was buried in Catalina’s shoulder, but if they could, they would have seen doubt lacing her features, eyes screwed shut as she tried to hold onto this moment, as if it was the last hug she would ever receive.

But they didn’t see. No one ever saw. And it got worse.

“What the hell, Anne?” 

Jane stormed out of her dressing room, brandishing her phone above her head.

“Woah, Jane, what’s up?” Catalina reached an arm out, trying to slow her down as she marched up to the second Queen, who just looked up, smiling in that sickeningly innocent way she did when she knew that she had done something mischievous.

“Boleyn here has been spreading horrible rumors about us on Twitter.”

“What?!” Anna looked up in shock from her chair, setting down the eyeshadow that was only half applied. Jane just shook her head and shoved the phone at the other Queen. 

Catlina leaned over the younger woman’s shoulder, reading along as Anna scrolled through the feed. Their faces quickly morphed from curiosity to surprise, then from anger to disappointment.

“None of that is even remotely true.”

“Well, yeah, Cat, that’s the whole point of a rumor.” Anna rolled her eyes, but quickly turned her gaze to stare at Anne, who just shrugged.

“So what? It was only a little fun. What are you gonna do? Throw me out?”

“Maybe!”

“Jane!” Catalina hissed. “No, of course not.”

Jane had the decency to look a little ashamed, and she quickly apologized. Anne, however, wouldn’t hear it. She had stopped listening after her initial response. She had expected nothing less (it wasn’t like this was the first time someone had gotten rid of her, in one way or another, for ‘lying’), but she had held out hope that her new family would be different.

They weren’t.

No one wanted a lying, scheming witch in their house. She shouldn’t have been surprised. They were all the same.

And that was just the beginning.

\-----

Jane was next.

(This one was a little more obvious. Much more out of character, and much more tactile results. But, somehow, the other Queens had yet to catch on.)

(In fact, neither Jane nor Anne knew anything was wrong with the other either. They barely knew something was up with themselves, let alone anyone else. Which figures, because that would have been too easy. Nothing about this was easy.)

The third Queen failed.

For the longest time after reincarnation, Jane had avoided any type of failure in fear of retribution and punishment. Any mistake was immediately followed by profuse apologies (which were, in turn, followed by reassurances from the other Queens that it was alright, that she was allowed to mess up sometimes.)

But now, she did it on purpose.

(It wasn’t even a conscious decision, Jane would later claim. That seemed to be a recurring pattern in this situation.)

But it was on purpose nonetheless.

And, like Anne, it started of small:

One time, it was a broken mug that was easily explained with slippery hands from the soapy water. When the woman had failed to apologize, the other Queens took it as a good sign that she was learning.

or

“I forgot to grab shampoo when I was out. I know you reminded me before I left, but I didn’t”

or even

“Jane, love, it was your turn to make dinner tonight.”

“Oh. Well, I didn’t.”

They should have noticed sooner.

(Anne kept claiming that it was her fault. She should have noticed the same signs that she was showing, even in a different form. The other Queens assured her that this was false, but she maintained this position for a long time.)

Eventually they did notice that it was on purpose. It wasn’t hard to figure out after she literally left Kitty at the theater:

“What do you mean you forgot her?” Anne exclaimed, gawping at the younger woman. Jane, on the other hand, just shrugged.

“It must have slipped my mind.”

“A fully grown person just... slipped your mind?!”

“Guess so”

“You didn’t notice the entire way home that there was no one sitting next to you?!” 

Jane just shrugged again, and the small smile on her face looked almost... smug. Anne shook that thought away quickly. That was ridiculous. But Jane was an atrocious liar. This was not an accident. 

Jane did go back and pick up Kitty, who had fumed silently in the seat next to her, and had eventually apologized. The fifth Queen had accepted the apology, and been quite understanding, but it didn’t stop there. 

Like Anne, it got worse.

“Jane, did you seriously leak the dates for the surprise tour to the fans?” Cathy suddenly appeared at Jane’s shoulder as she sat on the couch. The third Queen calmly paused her tv show and turned, crossing her arms and looking up at the older woman, obviously disinterested.

“What if I did?”

“What if you...? What? Jane, you have to be careful what you say, or it's going to get you in trouble. You remember when Anne accidentally shared Catalina’s phone number?”

“Cathy, I don’t think-” Anna tried to interrupt.

“Oh, are you threatening me?” Jane rose suddenly from her seat, and it was then that Cathy remembered how much taller the younger Queen was than her.

“What? No! But-”

“Whatever” Jane scoffed and stormed out of the room. 

It was all a little too familiar. Cathy’s words. The concealed threats. Reminder of Anne’s mistakes, and the consequences of her actions.

She was sure they weren’t like *him*.

She was sure that in this life, she would be free to make her own decisions, free to make her own mistakes without drastic, detrimental results.

She had been wrong.

\-----

They should have seen Kitty’s coming.

(They didn’t.)

(But they should have. They should have done so much.)

The fifth Queen ‘cried wolf’.

Her false accusations had no exceptions. The Queens, the fans, the directors of the show, random strangers on the street:

“Cathy stole my book.”

(She hadn’t)

or

“You remember the pool party we went to? I can’t believe the lifeguard shared that revealing photo of Anna.”

“What?!”

(There was no such photo)

or even

“The sound assistant has been checking me out during mic check.”

(This one ended in a very stern talking-to for a very afraid teenage intern from a very upset Jane)

But the good news (if you can call it that) was that they finally started to notice something was wrong. Her case was the fastest to be ‘diagnosed’ by the other Queens.

Unfortunately, they all agreed it was a cry for attention.

(It was. Just not in the way they thought.)

They ignored it. 

At least until it became truly harmful:

“A man at the bar groped me.” Kitty announced, faux shame playing in her tone. 

The words immediately caught the attention of the other four Queens in the room.

“What?!”

“Who was it?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll find him!”

Catalina, Anne, and Anna jumped from their chairs and rushed to her as the young girl. Jane, however, stayed in her chair, watching the scene suspiciously.

“I don’t know, I just ran. I’m sorry.” Kitty looked down at her hands to hide the lack of tears in her eyes. Anna shook her head and reached out, pulling the younger girl into a tight hug.

“No, love, it's not your fault. He’s just a-”

“Wait a minute.” 

Jane stood from her spot and approached the scene quickly, pulling Kitty from the fourth Queen’s arms.

“You didn’t go to the bar. Cathy texted me and said that you had just left the library half an hour ago.”

“Oh. Well, I stopped by on my way-”

“I don’t think so. I know you, you wouldn’t have gone to the bar without one of us.”

Jane’s statement made the other three Queens take a step back and stare at the young girl. Kitty, realizing she was caught, apologized quickly.

“Sorry, it was a lie, I’m sorry.”

“What?! Why would you lie about that?” Anne tried to ask, but the youngest Queen was already gone.

This story goes just like how every other “Boy who cried wolf” story goes. And that is, incredibly bad, ending in disaster.

(This is the point that everything started to really go downhill. The situation had already been terrible, but this was the tipping point. So... disaster):

It had started one rainy night. (Doesn’t everything?)

Kitty was walking alone, a rare occurrence, but it wasn’t that far of a journey. Just to the corner store and back for a supply of saltine crackers for the movie night.

Unfortunately, it had been then that the neighborhood creep was also wandering around the block. This man was infamous in the Queen household for harassing them, but they never had any actual encounters as he was usually too drunk to cross the street.

This time, though, was different. This time, he was only a little high. Sober enough to push the fifth Queen against the wall and squeeze her shoulders tightly. 

Not for nothing, though, had Kitty learned self-defense from Anna. One swift knee to his... down there area was enough to have him doubling over in pain and the fifth Queen sprinting back home.

When the girl had burst through the door in near sobs, Jane and Anne couldn’t help but rush to her side.

“Kitty, love, are you alright?”

“What’s wrong?”

And, from Anna, still in her chair, but watching in concern, a very helpful: “Where’s the crackers?” 

“Oh.” Kitty looked down at her empty hands in shock, forgetting her distress for a moment to try and remember. “I must have dropped them running away.”

“Running away?! From what???”

“The man. The really creepy one, remember? Who lives a few blocks down?”

At this, Jane drew back, staring at the girl. After a moment, she sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Don’t do this again. You really shouldn’t lie about such things.”

“Wait, what?”

“You’re not fooling us, Katherine. Just drop it. It’s alright, you forgot the crackers. Just admit it and move on. Don’t make up stories.” Anne shook her head in disappointment and returned to her seat. Anna nodded in agreement and turned her attention back to the television. 

“I’m not, I swear!” Kitty pleaded, looking to Jane, hoping someone would believe her.

“Go upstairs, Kitty. Take some time, calm down. We aren’t mad about the crackers, but you know what we said about crying wolf. It only ends in disaster.”

The fifth Queen stood there in shock for a moment before obeying, trudging to her room defeatedly.

This time wasn’t different than the last, or the one before that, or before that. The Queens were no different.

She was a fool to think they would be.

\-----

Catalina was much more direct.

(Not on purpose, of course. None of this was on purpose. That was just how the oldest Queen functioned.)

The first Queen demanded answers:

“You love me, right?”

“Of course we do, Catty.” Jane had smiled at the ridiculousness of the question.

“But *you* love me, right?”

“Catalina, look at me.” A pause as the oldest Queen complied. “I love you.”

or

“Are you going to leave me?”

“What?! No!

or even

“You need me.” 

This time it wasn’t a question. It was almost aggressive, how she announced it when she found Cathy crying after a rather unpleasant nightmare. Her goddaughter had been too out of it to notice anything, but it happened.

And, of course, it didn’t stop there. It never did.

The other Queens were confused, of course, at her newfound outspokenness about her own worth, but none of them thought more of it. Sometimes people needed more reassurance, and they were happy to give it.

Although, it did eventually get a little over the top:

“You can’t send me home!” Catalina exclaimed, looking incredulously at Jane, who just sighed.

“Cat, we aren’t sending you home. We just don’t need you here anymore, it's alright. Anne and I have it covered.”

“Oh, of course. Anne can take care of everything. You don’t need me anymore. Nevermind then, I’ll just leave.” The eldest Queen snarked, smiling cruelly at Anne.

“What? No, that’s not what we were saying, we were-”

Jane didn’t get to finish before Catalina stormed out, slamming the dressing room door behind her.

The two didn’t press the issue further. She had been having a bad day, anyway. It was probably just that.

(It wasn’t just that. It never was):

“What did you mean by that, huh? I can’t believe you would say that to me!”

“Catty, please.”

Anna burst into the room in response to the shouts to find Catalina cowering over her goddaughter, who was dangerously close to a full-blown breakdown.

“Woah woah woah, what is going on?” The fourth Queen stood between the two, holding her hands up calmly.

“Catherine said I should ‘take a walk, calm down’” Catalina raised her voice to a higher octave, doing a very poor impersonation of the younger girl.

“Because you were stressed out, my god, Catalina please!” The sixth Queen pleaded, voice shaking, threatening to reveal just how much the anger of her godmother had hurt her. It was only the convenient entrance of Jane, who immediately rushed to her side and pulled her into a hug, that held back the tears.

“Oh, so I should leave? Never come back? Is that what you want?!”

“No, of course not! I never-”

“O-kay, that’s enough.” Anna interrupted, sending Cathy a sympathetic look. “Catalina, you don’t need to leave, but you do need to calm down. Just... go to your room, or the backyard or something.”

“You do realize I’m the oldest here, you can’t tell me what to do!”

“Yes, yes, I know.” Anna called over her shoulder exasperatedly as she herded Jane and Cathy from the room, leaving a very angry and very hurt Catalina in their wake.

It wouldn’t be much longer before they tired of her and sent her away. She was old news, replaced by newer, kinder, friendlier people (like Anne. like Cathy. Cathy was much better for the Queens than her.)

That’s all she was good for, anyhow. Being sent away.

The Queens would realize that they didn’t need her anymore, and they would send her away.

Just like everyone else.

\-----

Anna was subtle.

(She was always subtle, in a loud, obnoxious sort-of way. Disguising her quiet, observant, calm nature with her other, more chaotic side. Usually a nice balance. Not in this case.)

And the funny thing is that this was not the only way she was almost the opposite of the first Queen.

Her fear of being sent away was different.

The fourth Queen just up and left:

One time, she almost missed a show because she had slipped out after rehearsal, and no one noticed. No one noticed when she came back, either.

or

“I’m going out for a walk.”

“Didn’t you already go on one today?”

“No such thing as too much exercise, Jane.”

or even

“I’m back!”

The blank looks from the Queens in the kitchen revealed quickly that they hadn’t even noticed she was gone in the first place.

But she wasn’t actually hurting anyone else, so it was all fine. Right?

(Right???)

It was no big deal. She enjoyed the time alone, enjoyed the walks she took, the people she met, the dogs she pet (especially the dogs she pet). 

It wasn’t as if the other Queens missed her, anyways. They didn’t even notice.  
(They never noticed.)

At least not until it took a turn for the worse:

“Where the hell were you, Cleves?!” Catalina stood in the doorway, arms crossed and glaring at her. Anna just rolled her eyes and moved to walk around her, slipping off her shoes. The older Queen shifted to block her, anger intensifying.

“Hey, I’m talking to you. You were gone ALL day. No note, not text, no call, nothing. Kitty was freaking out.”

“Whatever. It’s a miracle you noticed I was gone anyway.”

“This is not okay, Anna. You really need to care more about Kitty’s wellbeing. She looks up to you, they all do. Be a good example.”

Anna tensed at the mention of the fifth Queen, stood frozen for a moment, and then grabbed her shoes, yanked them back on, and stormed right back out the front door.

She didn’t come back that night. Or the next morning. 

Kitty and Jane didn’t sleep all night. Catalina and Anne took the van out to look for her around one in the morning when she still didn’t return, but to no avail. Cathy stayed at home, calling her phone incessantly, but she must have turned it off, because it soon went straight to voicemail.

They waited all morning, desperate for anything to reassure them that Anna was alright, that she was alive.

An hour before showtime for their matinee, Cathy received a text:

‘I’m alive, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back tonight.’

The relief that swept through all five Queens soon turned to anger. Anna shouldn’t just miss a show because she’s upset. They have alternates, yes, but two of them were on vacation, and technically it was Kitty’s scheduled day off. 

(Not anymore, of course. Now Grace had to switch roles last minute and cover Anna)

The fourth Queen kept her promise, and returned shortly before midnight, only to be greeted once more by Catalina, stance identical to the night before.

“Whatever you are trying to prove, stop.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I already did.” Anna’s smug (and was that... disappointed?) smile baffled the first Queen, who could do nothing but watch as the other stepped around her and marched upstairs.

Anna had proven a lot. 

It was nothing new, leaving everything behind with no one to miss you. Hurting Kitty because she was ignorant.

Nothing ever truly changes.

\-----

Cathy was last.

(There were a few reasons for this. None of them were because she was the strongest. It was probably because she rarely left her room. Or maybe because she was the most oblivious.)

(At least that was how she explained it to the others. They weren’t so sure if they agreed with her assessment.)

The sixth Queen argued.

About everything. With everyone. Loudly:

“It’s not my turn to do the dishes, Jane. I would think I would know if it was.”

or

“I think we should change this part of the choreo. Yes, I know you’re the dance captain, but can’t you just listen to my opinion?”

or even

“You’re wrong. I can’t even believe you would think that, Anne, how dumb can you be?”

It was odd, because for the longest time, Cathy never shared her opinion, especially never unprompted.

But not anymore. Now she had no qualms with it, even purposely starting shouting matches:

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. And that’s saying something.” 

“Oh, I’m stupid?!” Anna’s temper was incredibly short as of late, and she had no patience for Cathy’s arguments.

(Because, being the last one to join in on the pattern, Cathy started behaving oddly just as the Queens were reaching their peaks. Everything was piling higher and higher, patience growing thinner and thinner, common sense was lacking and tensions were high. By this point, all six were mad at themselves and everyone else. If Kitty was the tipping point, Cathy was the match that set the fire alight.)

“Yeah, that’s what I said. You’re the one that left us all behind. Guess you don’t care too much about us anymore.”

“You’re the one who is always in your room. If you really cared about us, you would spend more time with your family than your writing!”

The argument lasted for almost an hour, but nothing substantial was said after then. Like most arguments, it soon dissolved into silly, trivial things that were mentioned just for the sole purpose of angering the other. 

But Cathy never forgot Anna’s words. 

Of course she cared. But maybe no one else did.

Maybe everyone was so far gone that their little family was doomed to dissolve into nothing, doomed to splinter and fraction until the Queens were nothing but six people, lost in a world they were not meant to live in.

And Cathy was almost right.

Because the moment that saved them all was so, very close to being the moment that ended everything they knew:

It had been a while since Catalina and Cathy had had a religious discussion. Their argument that night had put quite a damper on their relationship, and they had been avoiding each other for a little over a week.

But, of course, with two headstrong, stubborn, passionate women in one house, it was just a matter of time.

“Change is good, Catalina. You can’t just stay stuck in your ways without listening to the other side.”

“‘The other side’ was how I got kicked out of my home, separated from my daughter, and lost the love of my life.”

“Oh come on, that’s ridiculous. We all know that that wasn’t because of religious differences.”

“Wasn’t it though?”

“No, that was just because Henry got tired of you.”

Catalina opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Cathy took the opportunity and ran with it.

“Everyone knows that your version of religion is old news. *My* religion, that is what is most widely accepted now. People are more accepting of change. Plus, your religion is what caused Mary to go on a murderous rampage.”

Catalina still said nothing, just staring at her goddaughter in shock.

“We both know I’m right, so don’t try and silence me.”

“What? Silence you? I don’t...” The first Queen finally managed. She trailed off, though, as something dawned on her.

“My God.” She breathed, taking a step back. Whatever revelation she just had, it was taking her a few moments to truly process it. The other Queens, who had been watching the discussion (if you can call it that) carefully, all turned their attention to Catalina as her eyes glazed over for a second, before snapping back to reality. Cathy waited for a moment, before giving up and making to start speaking again, but her godmother beat her to it.

“You’re testing me.”

Silence. And then... more silence. And then...

“Oh” 

“Wait, what?” Anne stood.

“She’s testing me.” 

It wasn’t an accusation. Just a fact, and every time it was repeated, Catalina sounded more and more certain.

“What do you mean?” Jane questioned softly.

“We all are”

“I’m so confused.” Anne and Anna nodded at Kitty’s statement, looking from Catalina to Cathy, who seemed to be on the same page.

“I read about it in a parenting book, I-”

“Wait, you read parenting books?” Anne scoffed. 

“Not the time, Anne” Jane waved a hand behind her to silence the girl. 

“Yes, now shush.” 

Anne shrugged, but complied, watching Catalina intently.

“Children, especially ones who have been through abuse or trauma, often test those in authority to prove that they won’t treat them like their abusers did before.” 

“Yeah, I remember that chapter” Cathy joined in. “It was mostly about foster kids, but I see how it's applicable here.”

“So what are you guys saying?”

“We’re saying we need to have a very serious discussion.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
